Women, work, and going along with it
Yesterday, I saw “The Assistant”—a new movie that explores how sexist and predatory power dynamics are ever-present in the workplace.
But always—always—off-camera.
The movie “Bombshell” (which I saw just last week) is similar in theme, but “The Assistant” delivers a sharper message with nuanced, snaking intimacy.
Any woman who worked in her 20’s—corporate jobs, restaurant jobs, doesn’t matter—knows exactly what I’m talking about when I say this movie dwells on Hitchcockian moments of Oh, I guess I’m supposed to go along with this.
“The Assistant” might as well have been titled “Kristi’s Work Experience.” Let’s start in 2015, with Domo—a company that fancied itself progressive to the point where nobody knew what it did (not even the CEO!). So progressive, in fact, that it built custom platforms for sexy dancers at its first annual conference. Because why stop at pedestaling women metaphorically when you can do it literally!
(A moment of silence please for this ABSOLUTE FUCKING QUEEN who is A STAR in what could very well be the toughest crowd of all time: hundreds of balding Mormon sales reps at the Grand America Hotel.)
Legit this looks like a set piece from HBO’s Silicon Valley.
Other cringey things: Sheryl Sandberg gave a keynote.
Sheryl Sandberg gave a keynote while the CEO manspread.
Robin Thicke sang “Blurred Lines." I SWEAR AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.
To be clear, Domo didn’t do this. Josh James did, its CEO. Sexist workplace cultures cloak themselves in vague language. A subtle way we deflect accountability is by putting on PR hats—using passive words like “incidents” that “happened” or a “lapse in judgement” by “the company.” Decisions are made by people, and elisions protect who’s in power.
I have nothing against the dancers, of course. I’m glad those women got paid, and I hope they got tipped. But consider the power dynamics at play in a room of mostly white, wealthy, middle-aged men eating hors d'oeuvres as young women dance around them. How to interpret this? It’s easy to diminish. Oh c’mon, Kristi. The dancers were hired to kick up the party vibe. That’s it.
Is it? Are we going to ignore the fact that the “vibe” relied on a mostly male audience feeling loose and empowered? That male power is often predicated on women’s subservience and degradation? That hiring these dancers was perhaps an unwitting, but nevertheless subconscious reinforcement of patriarchal conditioning that feels only natural?
Look, I’m not saying Josh James is a Jungian mastermind. But none of us escape this conditioning, and not enough of us question its layers.
Oh, I guess I’m supposed to go along with this.
At Domo’s next conference, two male employees were accused of rape.
A few months later, at Uber, a male co-worker berated my female co-worker after she held up a finger to quiet him on an important call. Later, he screamed at how “she couldn’t do at her own fucking job” in front of our team.
Unfortunately, our team totaled five people—including our boss, who wasn’t there to see this. The only other witness was a second male coworker. To put it more bluntly: it came down to the accounts of two women vs. two men. The second guy offered limp testimony as our boss tried to “get to the bottom” of an extremely clear situation.
Nothing came of it. There were no repercussions. At Uber, toe-stepping was enshrined as a corporate value. There was a case to be made that He Who Must Not Be Shushed was simply following protocol (if a bit too intensely).
Oh, I guess I’m supposed to go along with this.
My female co-worker and I continued to work on the biggest project of the year, sitting eight feet away from these men, all day. We took turns placing orders for office snacks on Amazon: LaCroix, Nespresso, SunChips.
The solution here is not to tell women to stop going along with it. The intersections of capitalism, patriarchy, and racism make this advice utterly regressive, placing the onus for systemic change on the very people the system oppresses.
Nor is the solution to say women should continue going along with it so they can shake things up. The idea that “change happens from the inside” is a favorite talking point of oppressors—an insidious narrative with tentacles everywhere you see injustice. I’ve seen what often happens when women spend their careers believing this. They may rise the ranks, building a Potemkin village of power, but it’s not a power that serves women (although they like to believe this). At best, it serves certain women, and at worst, only themselves.
There are no simple solutions. This requires radical change.
A good way to start—the only way—is to embody deep, rooted empathy for women’s reality in the workplace. To understand the cold, whispering chimeras that surround them, silence them, and burrow in their bones.
See this film.
Thanks for reading Gemini Mind! Elsewhere, you can find me as @yokizzi 💫