What time is it? SHOWTIME. Literally. We’re on Couples Therapy on Showtime.
In January 2022, Brock swiped up on an Instagram ad to submit an application for our favorite documentary series. Three weeks later, we were mic’d up and nervous beyond belief. If you’ve ever wanted a front-row seat to Mormon psychoanalysis, now’s your chance.
When I wrote these words two years ago, I thought that was writing them for others:
We are all haunted, in our own dark rooms, with our own creaky floors. There are cobwebs on the chandeliers, plastic on the furniture. Pull back the drapes. I want a canyon of sunlight on the floor, bright and sharp, with flecks of wild dust floating in its rays. The demons will scurry about, screeching. But let me tell you: nothing’s better than an exorcism.
Turns out I was writing them for me. It’s showtime.
Finally just caught up on the series (it's also one of my favorites - I talk to the screen all the time). Thank you for sharing your process and pain.
I found myself resonating with your frustration and resentment over Brock's choice to continue to participate in the church even as he knew how abusive it had been to you. As a gay member I finally found my way out of the church after suffering for decades. And now I find it infuriating that my friends and family choose to continue in the church even while knowing how damaging it has been for me and thousands others like me. But at the same time I can have empathy for them as I recall how long it took me to leave and how hard it was for me to prioritize the people the church harms (myself included) above what I felt the church was giving me (community, proximity to power, meaning, salvation, etc.). Still I can't help but feel sad that my friends and family can't prioritize me above what the church does for them. Frustrating but oh so human.